


First fight

by ephemeralfangirl



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 07:52:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10355655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemeralfangirl/pseuds/ephemeralfangirl
Summary: Patrick and Shelagh have their first fight and Sister Julienne reveal a bit of her story to help Shelagh through it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, still a repost from ff.net. Hope you like it

Clinic had been tense for everyone. There had been an undercurrent between Shelagh and Doctor Turner that put the nurses and the nuns on edge. Their friends had observed the dance of avoidance and frosty professionalism between them with apprehension and whispers before Sister Julienne took charge of the matter. She approached Shelagh's desk and two blood-shot eyes rose to hers briefly. "Can I help you, Sister?"

Sister Julienne's heart seized at the tears she heard in the lovely Scottish lilt. "Walk with me Shelagh."

"Of course, Sister." Shelagh rise from her seat with the dainty grace Sister Julienne had come to associate with her since her wedding. It had always been there she knew, it had just been hidden by the bulk of her habit before. Sister Julienne passed an arm in the crook of the younger woman's elbow. She noticed her husband look at her with longing and regret as they walked out of the community center.

They walked in silence until they reached the pier and sat on the benches. Sister Julienne turned and took Shelagh hands in hers, cradling then gently. They seemed so small compared to hers, but she knew just how capable they were. She gave them a squeeze and broke their companionable silence. "What troubles you, Shelagh?"

The blue eyes rose to hers briefly before looking back down at their joined hands. Shelagh's shoulders sagged as she took a tremulous breath and Sister Julienne's heart broke for her child. It didn't matter that Shelagh was a fully grown woman, married these last two months or not even hers, she would forever be her child. She let go of one hand and hesitated barely a second before she stroked a hand over the sunshine hair. The usual carefully arranged hair had been simply gathered in a clip, leaving most of it down and Sister Julienne indulged herself by twirling a lock around her fingers. It seemed to be what was needed. A tear fell on their hands and Shelagh spoke softly. "We had a fight last night."

She tried to catch the watery eyes, but they remained resolutely on the hands on her lap. She gently tugged on the lock she was still twirling to make her look up. "Was it your first?"

Shelagh nodded and tear slid down the pale cheek. Sister Julienne let go of hair and hands to wipe it away. "Oh my dear, it will hardly be the last, but the first always hurt the most. What happened?"

Shelagh looked at the water, taking her face away from the careful hold and the scrutiny. Sister Julienne put her hands over the tightly clasped ones.

"I'm not even sure how it escalated into a fight. Patrick arrived late for Timothy's piano recital and he missed his piece. He had promised to be there. Timothy was devastated. I made a pointed comment, he answered and then we were just shouting nonsense," she looked so bewildered that Sister Julienne had to laugh softly.

"Oh, my darling girl. Nonnatus didn't prepare you to share such close quarters and intimacies with someone, did it?"

Shelagh shook her head, a sad smile on her lips. Sister Julienne's heart went out to her girl. She was an experienced nurse and a fabulous midwife, but she'd gone into marriage woefully unprepared, relying on love and not much else. The intricacy of dealing with a person day in and day out when they had no place to escape to and no vows of charity and prayer to make their peace was a vastly different reality than what she had lived with these past ten years. No wonder she seemed so lost. "Did you say anything you regret?"

The tiny nod was back and more tears flooded the downcast blue eyes. "I'm sure you can make amends."

"I don't know how," the melodious accent was so low and so saturated with tears Sister Julienne had difficulty hearing the words.

"Asking for forgiveness is always hard, but you must do it."

"Because I swore to obey?" The sullen cheek was unlike the young woman, but Sister Julienne smiled.

"No, because you love him and because the longer you let it lie, the harder it will be to resolve this. You should never let anger come between the two of you. You might live to regret it," she had never intended to sound so wistful. Shelagh turned to look at her, the three little lines of worry between her eyebrows deepening.

"Sister?" The small hands under Sister Julienne's turned in her grasp and it was her turn to be clasped lovingly.

"I used to know a girl, she was too young to be a wife, but she did not care. Christine met her match when she was four and she knew it. She knew she would love him all the days of her life and she made sure the world knew. Then the war came and Christine's brothers went and then came Benjamin's turn. She prayed harder than anyone had ever prayed for his return and it was granted to her. Maybe it was her spirit or her strength that made God listen, but He was good to her and they married the week he came back. She was barely seventeen, but there was so much love, Shelagh," her voice shook with remembrance and it was her turn to be comforted.

"She had a quick temper, Christine, a playful nature surely and a passionate disposition, but a temper and it didn't take much to set it off. He said the wrong thing one night because he was tired and feverish and she snapped. They argued bitterly and he walked out of their tiny apartment. He walked to his mother and he collapsed. The Spanish influenza took him hard and though she nursed him with all the love she had, he never woke. The last words she said to the love of her life were spoken in anger and to this day, it is her biggest regret."

Tears gathered in two pairs of eyes, but they didn't fall. The two women simply looked at each other in silent comfort. Shelagh was the first to move and she leaned forward to embrace her mother, the hug fierce, but brief. She pulled back and smiled. "I think I'll go and speak to my husband."

"I believe you should," Sister Julienne said. She let Shelagh rise from her seat and followed her at a more leisurely pace, her heart was heavy with memories she didn't like to dwell on, but the sake of her girl, she knew she had to let her see. Marriage was common but a love like Shelagh and Doctor Turner had was both rare and beautiful and it had to be treated carefully. She hadn't known how to handle it at seventeen and she had paid dearly for her carelessness. If she could save the only other person she had ever loved any level of the pain she had had to endure then it would have been worth it.

She arrived in time to see the couple by their car. Forgiveness had been sought and their fingers were linked, Shelagh and her husband were looking at each other intently, the rest of the world forgotten as he leaned down and tenderly pressed his lips to his wife's. He let go of her hand to put it on her back, pulling her toward him. Shelagh bowed like a crescent moon to get closer to her husband and Sister Julienne smiled, taking the long way around to the door, well aware that some things were not meant for a mother's eyes. She caught a last glimpse at the doorway, her hands clasped to her heart. They had their forehead pressed together and they were basking in their love. She smiled sadly. If only.

Her heart still sad, she walked back to the ante-natal clinic, dismissing the nurses and putting the community back to rights herself, the ghost of a seventeen year old girl dancing around her in the silence.


End file.
